Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
