My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
