I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
