You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
