The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
