Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
