I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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