is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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