i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
