How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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