Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
