i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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