And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
