dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
