So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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