i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
