I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
