Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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