I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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