Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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