i permit you to call me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
and she was petting her beer can
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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