Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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