Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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