Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
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SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it