Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho