No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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