this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
