you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
