I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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