Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Randomize
