Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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