I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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