I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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