Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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