We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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