Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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