This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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