I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
