you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
