marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
