He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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