guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
