a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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