please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
