i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My ass is underappreciated
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
