i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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