Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
