you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
