Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize