I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
