There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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