You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
