Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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