I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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