I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize