lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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