Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the day after is always just damage control
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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