I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
