That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Boobs are out for the taking
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
is that a dick in a sweater?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
