I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
