Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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