Redeem this text for a blowjob
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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