Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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