Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
