i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
