yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
