Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
