Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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