Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
