Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
