is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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