im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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