Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
