What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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