Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
